One Day At A Time
There were deep secrets hidden in my heart,
never said for fear others would scoff or sneer.
At last I can reveal my sufferings,
for the strength I once felt in silence has lost all its power.
I’ve heard it said in program that we are only a sick as the secrets we keep. If that is the case, then I was very sick when desperation forced me through the doors of this wonderful fellowship.
Not one of my friends or family knew what I was doing around food, as most of it was done in secret, and I was always careful to remove all the evidence. I couldn’t believe that anyone would love me if they knew what I was doing around food, and felt that I was either really bad or totally crazy, or both. But for the first time ever, I was able to come clean about what I was doing around food, and I wasn’t judged or frowned upon. The love and acceptance I have received here has been totally overwhelming, but in addition I found out that others had done the same or similar things to what I had done, and so for the first time ever, I felt that I wasn’t alone. Not only have I been able to talk freely about my food and what I had been doing, as well as what it was doing to me, but in the fourth and fifth step, I was finally able to share with another person my darkest deepest secrets, that for years I’d thought had made me this terrible person. It was in fact in sharing all the things that I’d thought of as so bad, that I came to realise that it was only my magnifying mind that had made them appear so, and that in fact they really weren’t bad at all. I would never have found that out,
had I not been in this program, and I’m so grateful for the relief that sharing all these things has given me.
One Day at a Time . . .
I will learn to get honest and share with my sponsor and others in this program, all the things that are bothering me, whether it be food or other issues, so I can be relieved of the pain that all my secrets are causing me.
Well, nothing like working on a deadline. Today’s boundaries are shot, the end is about ten minutes hence, and I’m only half way to my goals for the day.
Yesterday’s reading was about self-knowledge, you can find it here, and today’s is about secrets. The two are less separate than you may think.
See, the best way to keep a secret is to keep it even from yourself. Don’t admit consciously to knowing a thing, and it won’t be a thing. If it’s about you and your issues/addictions, whatever, then you will keep that secret.
The trick to breaking the pattern lies in self-knowledge. True admitting and knowledge of self won’t let you keep those secrets anymore, and it’s time to start working towards the end goal. Anyhow, I’m out of time and I really have work to get done. Until tomorrow awesome people. DFTBA.
Duke of Chaos