One Day At A Time
“A man should never be ashamed
to own he has been in the wrong,
which is but saying, in other words,
that he is wiser today than he was yesterday.”
Most of my life I had spent in blaming others for all the bad things that happened in my life, and I never learned to take responsibilty for my part in anything. I thought that life had treated me unfairly, but mostly it was because someone else had wronged me. I wallowed in self pity and justifiable anger, and not surprisingly, I found comfort in food so I could get through the pain of being treated so badly by others.
When I came into the program and began working the steps, I was horrified to learn that I was expected to do a searching and fearless inventory of my wrongdoings, for after all wasn’t it others who had harmed me and not the other way around? Slowly I realised that I had a part to play in all the events in my life, and that only by clearing up the wreckage of my past and keeping my side of the street clean, did I have any hope of recovery. I had to swallow my pride and admit when I was wrong, and when I did that, miracles began to happen. Instead of feeling hard done by and bad about myself as I had thought I would, the exact opposite happened, and I started on a journey of growth and increasing self esteem that never ceases to surprise me. When I am able to admit that I’m wrong and apologise for my part in any conflict or misunderstanding, without expectation of anything back from the other person, I strengthen my recovery in this program.
One day at a time …
I will admit my mistakes whether I believe that the fault is mine or not, because that is the way that I grow in my recovery.
Oh where to start? How to not react to other’s behavior? I was all ready to go and make right, admit my part in the wrongdoing, or even admitting to it being all my fault if I have to. To start working towards peaceful resolution, but now where do I start? I really don’t know. I have to go meditate so I’m going to leave this here before it turns into a really dark and harsh post. Until later good people, this guy needs to meditate and get some stuff worked out in his heart and his head.
Cheers and DFTBA.
Duke of Chaos