ODAT February 21, 2017 ~ Progress ~

One Day At A Time

~ PROGRESS ~

” … I was taught that the way of progress is neither swift nor easy.”
Marie Curie

I have always been the queen of quick fix, so if I wanted something to happen, it had to happen today if not yesterday. So coming into the program was very hard for me, in that for the first time I have had to realise that recovery is not an overnight thing. For a perfectionist like me, that has been a very hard lesson to learn, in that I don’t have to have perfect recovery. My journey in this program has been an up and down one, with many slips along the way, and everytime I have slipped, I have had to remember that I may think I’m a failure, but I’m only a failure if I fail to pick myself up. In the past if I made a mistake, I was a total and utter failure, but I know now that all I have to do each time is to pick myself up, dust myself off and start over.

The other thing I’ve learned in the program is that I also always need to remember where I came from, and when I look back, I can see the progress I have made. My self esteem is growing, and even though I still seem to slip back into the old character defects from time to time, they are nowhere near as bad as in the past. I am able to forgive people whom I thought I would never be able to forgive, and I make amends whenever the need arises, and as a result my relationships with people have improved dramatically.

One Day at a Time . . .
May I remember that in this program, it is always progress and not perfection that counts.
~ Sharon ~

Alleged Insight:

 

You know how you win a marathon?  It’s not about finishing ahead of somebody else on the course?  It’s not even about beating a previous score/time you may have held in the past.  You win, by making it to the end, without quitting.

Progress.  Not. Perfection.

You strive always for progress, one foot in front of the other, not faster than the other guys, not better than you were last year, but better than you were yesterday.Progress is not lineal.  The idea of perfection is and always will be a straight shot to the end.  Progress is like crossing Canada by road.

You go over, then up, and around and off that way and a little bit south to avoid the other bits, then wiggling through that rocky marshy piece, and swing wide low through the middle end, finally to push up to the easternmost points but you have to jump ship to finally get there.  Progress is like that.  Pick the end, pick the direction, but focus on the next step, one day at a time, one step at a time, you will move forward, it might not be straight forward, but it will be progress.

So, to win, you get up and you start, continuing forward, let of of the negative, learn from it if you can, and cherish the positives, keep those memories close, but keep going, always one more step, always progress.

Cheers and DFTBA

Duke of Chaos

Footnote:
Standard Disclaimer: the text-reminder-and quote- herein comes from the book or website as noted at this link HERE. If you want to verify, look up your local AA or Al-Anon group.
But seriously, the work works if you work it. I’m doing this for me, for my wife, for our family and for our future.
By posting this material each day, I hope to hold the ideals in my awareness, and start with the small steps that make a big journey. ODAT is the slogan, and with God as my wing-man there’s a fair chance of surviving this adventure, for a while anyhow.
I am merely a tool in God’s toolbox.

ODAT February 20, 2017 ~ Secrets ~

One Day At A Time

Secrets

There were deep secrets hidden in my heart,
never said for fear others would scoff or sneer.
At last I can reveal my sufferings,
for the strength I once felt in silence has lost all its power.
Deidra Sarault

I’ve heard it said in program that we are only a sick as the secrets we keep. If that is the case, then I was very sick  when desperation forced me through the doors of this wonderful fellowship.
Not one of my friends or family knew what I was doing around food, as most of it was done in secret, and I was always careful to remove all the evidence. I couldn’t believe that anyone would love me if they knew what I was doing around  food, and felt that I was either really bad or totally crazy, or both. But for the first time ever, I was able to come clean about what I was doing around food, and I wasn’t judged or frowned upon. The love and acceptance I have received  here has been totally overwhelming, but in addition I found out that others had done the same or similar things to what  I had done, and so for the first time ever, I felt that I wasn’t alone. Not only have I been able to talk freely about my food  and what I had been doing, as well as what it was doing to me, but in the fourth and fifth step, I was finally able to  share with another person my darkest deepest secrets, that for years I’d thought  had made me this terrible person. It  was in fact in sharing all the things that I’d thought of as so bad, that I came to realise that it was only my magnifying  mind that had made them appear so, and that in fact they really weren’t bad at all. I would never have found that out,
had I not been in this program, and I’m so grateful for the relief that sharing all these things has given me.

One Day at a Time . . .
I will learn to get honest and share with my sponsor and others in this program, all the things that are bothering me, whether it be food or other issues, so I can be relieved of the pain that all my secrets are causing me.
~ Sharon

Alleged Insight:

 

Well, nothing like working on a deadline.  Today’s boundaries are shot, the end is about ten minutes hence, and I’m only half way to my goals for the day.

Yesterday’s reading was about self-knowledge, you can find it here, and today’s is about secrets.  The two are less separate than you may think.

See, the best way to keep a secret is to keep it even from yourself.  Don’t admit consciously to knowing a thing, and it won’t be a thing.  If it’s about you and your issues/addictions, whatever, then you will keep that secret.

The trick to breaking the pattern lies in self-knowledge.  True admitting and knowledge of self won’t let you keep those secrets anymore, and it’s time to start working towards the end goal.  Anyhow, I’m out of time and I really have work to get done.  Until tomorrow awesome people.  DFTBA.

Duke of Chaos

Footnote:
Standard Disclaimer: the text-reminder-and quote- herein comes from the book or website as noted at this link HERE. If you want to verify, look up your local AA or Al-Anon group.
But seriously, the work works if you work it. I’m doing this for me, for my wife, for our family and for our future.
By posting this material each day, I hope to hold the ideals in my awareness, and start with the small steps that make a big journey. ODAT is the slogan, and with God as my wing-man there’s a fair chance of surviving this adventure, for a while anyhow.
I am merely a tool in God’s toolbox.

ODAT February 19, 2017 ~ Self-Knowledge ~

One Day At A Time

~ SELF KNOWLEDGE ~

We’re our own dragons as well as our own heroes
and we have to rescue ourselves from ourselves.
Tom Robbins

I always tried to do my best in everything I did. Studies, school, and managing my own family are some good
examples. Being in control made it seem as though I always did as I was told, but I had a very difficult time Being on
my own and thinking for myself. The talent I was born with gave me a good start at being an artist, but I couldn’t seem
to make a successful career out of it. I was scared and shy and didn’t dare be on the forefront of making this talent
into what I wanted it to be.

When I started on my path to Recovery, I found that I was being too much of a perfectionist. I was always told to do
things perfectly and I tried and tried but never seemed to satisfy my parents or the god of my childhood. So when I
grew up I was so hard on myself that I lost the creativity I was born with. Creativity can’t thrive in a hostile environment.

One day while reading an author I liked, I read that I had to “get out of my own way”. I was a dragon trying to do
something creative and it didn’t work. I have to learn to “rescue myself from myself” so I can do my art with the talents
that are God-given.

One day at a time … I realize that if I want to see myself as I really am,I cannot stand in my own shadow.
~ Myrlene ~

Alleged Insight:

Nothing deep tonight I’m afraid, this is yesterday’s reading, but yesterday was rather mangled to start with, and now we’re closing in on the end of today, so here’s this one and I’ll ruminate on the next one.

 

Cheers and DFTBA.

Duke of Chaos

Footnote:
Standard Disclaimer: the text-reminder-and quote- herein comes from the book or website as noted at this link HERE. If you want to verify, look up your local AA or Al-Anon group.
But seriously, the work works if you work it. I’m doing this for me, for my wife, for our family and for our future.
By posting this material each day, I hope to hold the ideals in my awareness, and start with the small steps that make a big journey. ODAT is the slogan, and with God as my wing-man there’s a fair chance of surviving this adventure, for a while anyhow.
I am merely a tool in God’s toolbox.

ODAT February 18, 2017 ~ Serenity ~

One Day At A Time

SERENITY

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
the courage to change the things I can;
and the wisdom to know the difference.
The Serenity Prayer

My life before abstinence was a fight in the dark to stabilize my world and protect myself from more pain. Too much suffering was endured by this child. She never understood that she could ever come back into the Light. But, the fog is lifting now … there are days of clarity and joy. How could she have known? She was too little.

Circumstances change … memories fade away … I can be safe again … I can allow myself to be me. I will work my program to secure the Light again in my world.

One day at a time . . .
I pray to understand that the stream of life keeps moving … I will live in darkness no longer.
Margaret ~

Alleged Insight:

 

“God, grant me the Serenity.  I’ll handle the rest.  Shiny.”

If you get that quote, then cool, if not then well, we can work on it.

But truthfully, the serenity prayer is the foundation and for many, the introduction to the deeper mindset of the Al-Anon journey.  As such it’s well covered, and I’m not sure I can add more insight to it, it’s a good prayer, and appropriate almost all the time. But it’s late, I’m a day behind and I’ve a crazy amount of work to get done before the sun comes up.

Cheers and DFTBA.

Duke of Chaos

Footnote:
Standard Disclaimer: the text-reminder-and quote- herein comes from the book or website as noted at this link HERE. If you want to verify, look up your local AA or Al-Anon group.
But seriously, the work works if you work it. I’m doing this for me, for my wife, for our family and for our future.
By posting this material each day, I hope to hold the ideals in my awareness, and start with the small steps that make a big journey. ODAT is the slogan, and with God as my wing-man there’s a fair chance of surviving this adventure, for a while anyhow.
I am merely a tool in God’s toolbox.

ODAT February 17, 2017 ~ Changes ~

One Day At A Time

~ CHANGES ~

They always say time changes things,
but you actually have to change them yourself.
Andy Warhol

Time changes things – but what things? Can I wait for time to change those ways of coping that don’t serve me anymore? Can I wait for time to make me abstinent?

Yes, time will change things, but chances are that these will be the changes: my coping mechanisms will become even more entrenched and my eating even more destructive. I don’t really want to wait for that kind of change. When I joined OA, I started a new trend. I asked for the wisdom to understand which things I can change and then, armed with the tools of the program, I set about following my new trend of eating healthy and living a life where I don’t sit around waiting.

I will not wait idly for things to get better. I will ask my Higher Power to guide me to make necessary changes.

One Day at a Time . . .
I will not wait idly for things to get better. I will ask my Higher Power to guide me to make necessary changes.
~ Isabella M. ~

Alleged insight:

The only constant in the chaotic life is change.  Children grow, people age, wood rots, paint fades, tides cycle, the earth revolves, the sun burns up (slowly), and oceans and continents move.  Everything changes, from the particles that make up everything, to everything made up of energy and particles.

Right, ironic, now my mind has changed and shifted, time has passed and now I wonder where I was going with this?

Right, change is constant.  I love that line.  But seriously, tomorrow is going to be completely different than today, and likely as different as possible as can be imagined from what you may plan.  I’ve started to come to the realization that there may be more truth to the Chaos series of novels than I thought when I read them back when I was like 12.    Life is a series of  small changes, one day at a time.  When you go to bed tonight, take a moment, look at what you accomplished, what went wrong, and how you want tomorrow to proceed.

When you wake in the morning, take a moment, thank God for another day, and proceed with intention to make the small changes that will stay changed, for the better, for you and your life and your family.

I got preachy, sorry.  I’ll get back to work here now.

Duke of Chaos

Footnote:
Standard Disclaimer: the text-reminder-and quote- herein comes from the book or website as noted at this link HERE. If you want to verify, look up your local AA or Al-Anon group.
But seriously, the work works if you work it. I’m doing this for me, for my wife, for our family and for our future.
By posting this material each day, I hope to hold the ideals in my awareness, and start with the small steps that make a big journey. ODAT is the slogan, and with God as my wing-man there’s a fair chance of surviving this adventure, for a while anyhow.
I am merely a tool in God’s toolbox.

ODAT February 14, 2017 ~ Love People, not Possibilities ~

One More Day

We don’t love qualities, we love persons..

.–Jacques Maritain

No matter what happens to us in our lifetime, regardless of whether we are rich or poor,m strong or weak, ill or well, we always have room for love. Unqualified love and caring cost nothing. Despite our financial position, allowing ourselves to love, allowing ourselves to be loved strengthens and lends greater value to our lives.

In loving others and in being loved, we’re reminded that people, not events or even characteristics, are the important elements of our lives. We don’t look for perfection in our loved ones, and we’re freed of the notion that we must earn another’s love. Love balances our lives; it helps us keep sight of our values and priorities.

I will remember today that I love people for themselves, not for their potential. The love I receive is given just as freely.

Alleged Insight:

Had to change up the reading book today.  The ODAT reading was just odd, it was about the Wizard of Oz.  This one is better.  But beyond that it’s Valentine’s Day, and it’s really late, so I’m off to bed.

Cheers and DFTBA.

Duke of Chaos

Footnote:
Standard Disclaimer: the text-reminder-and quote- herein comes from the book or website as noted at this link HERE. If you want to verify, look up your local AA or Al-Anon group.
But seriously, the work works if you work it. I’m doing this for me, for my wife, for our family and for our future.
By posting this material each day, I hope to hold the ideals in my awareness, and start with the small steps that make a big journey. ODAT is the slogan, and with God as my wing-man there’s a fair chance of surviving this adventure, for a while anyhow.
I am merely a tool in God’s toolbox.

ODAT February 13, 2017 ~ Admitting Mistakes ~

One Day At A Time

ADMITTING MISTAKES

“A man should never be ashamed
to own he has been in the wrong,
which is but saying, in other words,
that he is wiser today than he was yesterday.”
Alexander Pope

Most of my life I had spent in blaming others for all the bad things that happened in my life, and I never learned to take responsibilty for my part in anything. I thought that life had treated me unfairly, but mostly it was because someone else had wronged me. I wallowed in self pity and justifiable anger, and not surprisingly, I found comfort in food so I could get through the pain of being treated so badly by others.

When I came into the program and began working the steps, I was horrified to learn that I was expected to do a searching and fearless inventory of my wrongdoings, for after all wasn’t it others who had harmed me and not the other way around? Slowly I realised that I had a part to play in all the events in my life, and that only by clearing up the wreckage of my past and keeping my side of the street clean, did I have any hope of recovery. I had to swallow my pride and admit when I was wrong, and when I did that, miracles began to happen. Instead of feeling hard done by and bad about myself as I had thought I would, the exact opposite happened, and I started on a journey of growth and increasing self esteem that never ceases to surprise me. When I am able to admit that I’m wrong and apologise for my part in any conflict or misunderstanding, without expectation of anything back from the other person, I strengthen my recovery in this program.

One day at a time …
I will admit my mistakes whether I believe that the fault is mine or not, because that is the way that I grow in my recovery.
Sharon

Alleged Insight:

 

Oh where to start?  How to not react to other’s behavior?  I was all ready to go and make right, admit my part in the wrongdoing, or even admitting to it being all my fault if I have to.  To start working towards peaceful resolution, but now where do I start?  I really don’t know.  I have to go meditate so I’m going to leave this here before it turns into a really dark and harsh post.  Until later good people, this guy needs to meditate and get some stuff worked out in his heart and his head.

Cheers and DFTBA.

Duke of Chaos

Footnote:
Standard Disclaimer: the text-reminder-and quote- herein comes from the book or website as noted at this link HERE. If you want to verify, look up your local AA or Al-Anon group.
But seriously, the work works if you work it. I’m doing this for me, for my wife, for our family and for our future.
By posting this material each day, I hope to hold the ideals in my awareness, and start with the small steps that make a big journey. ODAT is the slogan, and with God as my wing-man there’s a fair chance of surviving this adventure, for a while anyhow.
I am merely a tool in God’s toolbox.

ODAT February 12, 2017 ~ Positive Thinking ~

One Day At A Time

~ POSITIVE THINKING ~

“We could accomplish many more things
if we did not think of them as impossible”
Jean-Jacques Rousseau
from his “Lettres à M. de Malesherbes

I have spent a lifetime dieting. My life can be easily separated into two sections: the dieting periods and the non-dieting, or binge periods. When I first start losing weight, I am positive about it, to the point where, if I go clothes shopping, I even buy things in smaller sizes because soon I won’t be as big as I am. This works fine while I’m losing weight, but when I reach a plateau and remain at the same weight level for a while, or even worse, gain a bit, I start to think that I’ll never lose the weight I need to lose, that my sticking to a “diet” for the rest of my life is nigh to impossible.

Well, with stinking thinking like this, I’m defeated before I’ve even started. Through this program, I’ve learned that anything is possible. First of all, it’s true that sticking to a diet for the rest of my life would be an impossible feat, but in program we don’t “go on diets.” We follow a sensible eating plan, and this plan should be flexible enough that it IS something we can follow indefinitely. Secondly, I have to correct my time spans. Instead of thinking of it as “the rest of my life,” I have the option to think of it as “One Day at a Time,” and we can do anything for just one day, can’t we?

One day at a time …
I remember that’s all it takes…one day at a time.
Marjee

Alleged Insight:

Oh this one will be fun, and difficult, not in the happy sense of fun either, more of the long drawn out painful sense of fun.  This is tomorrow already, give you any idea of the nature of fun?

The idea is to think positive, find the upside of things in each difficult situation, and then build on it.

I need to calm down, I need to learn to not take it personally.  I need to learn how to do five hours of work in one, and to not stress about it at all while getting it done.

Rather than keeping on in a negative vein, here’s Monty Python…

So, one day at a time,

Cheers and DFTBA.

Duke of Chaos

Footnote:
Standard Disclaimer: the text-reminder-and quote- herein comes from the book or website as noted at this link HERE. If you want to verify, look up your local AA or Al-Anon group.
But seriously, the work works if you work it. I’m doing this for me, for my wife, for our family and for our future.
By posting this material each day, I hope to hold the ideals in my awareness, and start with the small steps that make a big journey. ODAT is the slogan, and with God as my wing-man there’s a fair chance of surviving this adventure, for a while anyhow.
I am merely a tool in God’s toolbox.

ODAT February 11, 2017 ~ Freedom ~

One Day At A Time

REEDOM

“Always be a first-rate version of yourself,
instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.”
Judy Garland

As far back as I can remember I always wanted to be like — or act like — someone else. I never allowed myself the freedom to be me. I was my parents’ child, my husband’s wife, and my children’s mother. It wasn’t until I came into program wearing all of my identities on my body — 150 pounds’ worth — that I was able to see how unhappy I really was.

I began my journey to recovery by slowly discovering the real me underneath all that extra weight. Working the Twelve Steps of recovery helped me to peel away the layers of fear that kept me stuck.


One Day at a Time . . .
I am free to be me ~
And I am enough.
~ Eileen

Alleged Insight:

“Always be yourself, everybody else is already taken.”  I was going to put the source of the quote, but in going to look it up I can’t find a definitive point.  Oscar Wilde is the most oft referenced, but there is no hard point of proof.

Who are you when I’m not looking, it’s a country song.  It’s also one hell of a powerful thought, but it can be twinned by the line, who am I when you’re not looking.

As children, we are often defined by our parents and their dreams for us.  As young adults we can often be seen rebelling against those same standards, or not, in defining who we actually are in our own right.  If our childhood was troubled however, then our templates are fucked and we need to throw them out and start fresh with some generic templates.

Did you throw yours out?  I sure as hell didn’t.  I tried my hardest to fit into the templates handed to me by my father.  I didn’t fit.  It took me a failed marriage, a pair of suicide attempts and a wake up call at the end of a running away bender to realize what was going on. I was still living somebody else’s life.

So I stopped.  That drifting period was the hardest part of my life.  It took me until last year to come to terms with most of it and catharticly burn the five detailed journals of that time of my life.  While it may have been academically interesting at some point in the future, I really never want my boys to find and read that during their own troubled years, I would rather talk to them in person about what’s happening. Just have to become the person they feel safe calling to do the talking to.  I’m working on that.

Oh my, I seem to have wandered off topic, the lead was freedom.  Ostensibly the freedom to be yourself, and that is the ultimate goal of self-recovery/self-discovery, to become more fully realized as ourselves.  One day at a time, pushing ever forward out of our protective habits formed in those times of trial, and becoming more fully realized as completely and totally our own self free from persecution.

I think I’ll leave off, this is feeling disjointed enough right now.  Cheers, and I’ve got to get back to work.

 

 

Cheers and DFTBA.

Duke of Chaos

Footnote:
Standard Disclaimer: the text-reminder-and quote- herein comes from the book or website as noted at this link HERE. If you want to verify, look up your local AA or Al-Anon group.
But seriously, the work works if you work it. I’m doing this for me, for my wife, for our family and for our future.
By posting this material each day, I hope to hold the ideals in my awareness, and start with the small steps that make a big journey. ODAT is the slogan, and with God as my wing-man there’s a fair chance of surviving this adventure, for a while anyhow.
I am merely a tool in God’s toolbox.

ODAT February 10, 2017 ~ Attitude ~

One Day At A Time

~ ATTITUDE ~

The last of the human freedoms is to choose one’s attitude.
Viktor Frankl

I have always found someone like Viktor Frankl to be an inspiration. His attitude to life totally amazes me, especially after suffering and losing all his family in the Nazi concentration camps. How could anyone come away from an experience like that and still find meaning in life, much less meaning in suffering? I certainly could never find any meaning in all the years of suffering through compulsive eating which caused me so much pain. Life didn’t seem meaningful at the time, and I wondered if it ever could. But one of the things I have learned in the program is that I can allow myself to wallow in self pity, which I did many times, or I can take the lessons from my life’s experiences and use them as opportunities for growth. That has not been an easy one for me in my journey, and there have been many times when life just seemed to be too hard. I wondered whether I had the same strength and positive attitude that Viktor Frankl did. Intellectually I know that attitude is a choice I make. There have been times when I’ve been depressed and full of self pity and I allowed myself to sink into that abyss of despair. But now, knowing that I have a choice, that I can pick myself up and “act as if,” I can have a positive attitude. When I make the positive choice, miraculous things happen, and life somehow seems a lot easier.

One Day at a Time . . .
I will make a choice to think positive thoughts, and try to emulate people like Viktor Frankl and others who have battled enormous difficulties and yet kept a positive attitude. When I do that, I know my life will become infinitely better.
~ Sharon ~

Alleged Insight:

It truly is about attitude. It’s all about how you approach things.  My wife sees the problems, I see the adventure.  It’s the same trip.

It makes for some interesting days, but I’m going to leave this short, because it’s evident to me, and I’ll link in a video for you all to enjoy, some Jimmy Buffett… cheers.

 

Cheers and DFTBA.

Duke of Chaos

Footnote:
Standard Disclaimer: the text-reminder-and quote- herein comes from the book or website as noted at this link HERE. If you want to verify, look up your local AA or Al-Anon group.
But seriously, the work works if you work it. I’m doing this for me, for my wife, for our family and for our future.
By posting this material each day, I hope to hold the ideals in my awareness, and start with the small steps that make a big journey. ODAT is the slogan, and with God as my wing-man there’s a fair chance of surviving this adventure, for a while anyhow.
I am merely a tool in God’s toolbox.